At 16 years of age, I created this blog. It was something I had dreamed of doing for a few years prior. I thought I was ready for it, I thought I was mature, I thought my skin was thick enough to handle the bullying and I thought my life was on track. I thought I had overcome my struggles with fear. I thought I had already done my time waiting for the right one. I thought my struggle with body image and self love was in the past. I thought I wouldn’t struggle with being depressed or anxious anymore. I thought I was a good role model and I thought my life could only go uphill, from here.
Little did I know, I hadn’t overcome any of those things… All I had done was put my self worth into temporary things/distractions, which sure enough came to a crumble over the next two years.
I had placed my identity in becoming a qualified pastry chef by the time I was 18. I had placed my identity in the religious organisation I was apart of, the friendships and relationships I thought would be life long. I had placed my identity in the wife I thought I was going to be, to the man I thought I was going to marry. I placed my identity in the fact that I thought I would be a mother by now and most importantly peoples relevant or irrelevant opinions of me.
Fast forward to now, I’m a 20 year old woman and I’m excited for this chapter of my life. I’m grateful for everything I’ve experienced, both the good and the bad, the things that caused me a lot of pain and the things that caused me so much joy. I know my life will never be perfect but I also know, now that the only thing I can place my identity in, is the one who is eternal.
Yes, it still hurts when people say things about which may not seem the nicest. Especially when it’s coming from people who I really do love and care about, but that’s just the normal reality of being human.
So now I’m ready to care less about peoples opinions of me, to not be so harsh on myself for not reaching my unrealistic goals and to enjoy my life, just the way it is, right now.
I’ve changed over the years and I’m proud of that. Change is just a part of life, which can be a good thing or a bad thing but I’m no longer the same 16 year old girl I was, when I started this blog. My goals and dreams aren’t all the same as they were 10 years or even 5 years ago. I don’t want to do some of the things, I said I wanted to do or be the way I said I wanted to be. I will forever be changing as I become more confident in the woman I’m called to be.
“Don’t let people’s compliments go to your head and don’t let their criticism go to your heart.”
– Lysa Terkeurst